It’s scary
It’s scary to think that a loved one could take their final breath at any given moment
Us having to mourn their expiration
Them vanishing into a celestial unknown
We question the fate of their unoccupied corpse
Will they enter Heaven? Hell?
Or has society twisted up the concept of the after place so much so that we are unable to grasp what truly occurs
Regardless of these mentally disorienting thoughts
All death is premature
As our memories with them become our only companions
And we wipe away our silent tears
All we can do is hope to encounter them once again
This free verse poem symbolizes the complexities of death, more specifically where one goes after they have fallen. As a young child, I would go to my parents and ask where people went once they died, yet they never seemed to give me the answer that I desired. Questioning this my entire life, I wanted this free verse poem to reflect my authentic feeling about the frustration that occurred within me. Furthermore, still allowing readers to understand that I have hope that I will be able to see my loved ones once again.
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Dear Avishi,
This piece of writing was powerful and hard-hitting, while also being quaint and soft. It’s a great work of poetry and I especially though the free verse style worked well for your intentions here. Your word choice is on point and does an excellent job of conveying the theme of death in a dark way. The punctuation use here is excellent as well – the deliberate choice not to end with a period after every line until the last one is a smart addition, and speaks volumes to your superb writing ability.
For improvement, I would suggest improving on the length of this piece as well as having a better explication to your piece. Overall, your poetry is well written and I look forward to reading it again.
Sincerely,
Zaid
Dear Zaid,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my piece! As someone that has previously taken the class, I greatly appreciate your advice. I will definitely take you suggestions to improve my overall writing. I look forward to reading your future work.
Kind regards,
Avishi
Dear Avishi,
This piece was quite heart-felt and I could feel the emotion behind each verse. I enjoyed your take on an experience that is so personal and unique to everyone and what your own take on death is. More specifically I like the short verses as they have a strong impact on the reader.
One thing that I noticed was, in the first line you have written “it scary” instead of ” It’s scary,” which is just a minor mistake. I also agree with Zaid that the piece could’ve been a bit longer.
Overall it was a beautiful poem and I am looking forward to reading more pieces from you in the future.
Dear Khushman,
Thank you for the kind comments, I truly appreciate what you had to say about this piece. I will also take your suggestions about my first line. I didn’t notice the misspelled word so thank you for brining that to my attention, I will change that as soon as possible. I look forward to reading all the pieces you create in the future.
Kind regards,
Avishi
Dear Avishi,
I really enjoyed reading your poem, and I love the slight sense of quiet chaos it carries within it’s words. The way you wrote it really fit the message you were trying to show, and I think it’s written beautifully. The poem does a great job of demonstrating one’s internal struggle whilst coping with death, as well as the hope one carries deep within themselves.
The only thing I can think to change is maybe go a little more in depth on your explanation so us as readers can get a deeper understanding of the poem and yourself. Also I’m not sure if this is an actual mistake but I think your first line should read “It’s scary” instead of “It scary”. Again, not entirely sure so I’ll just leave that at that. Other than that this poem was an amazing experience and I can’t wait to see what other masterpieces you come up with throughout the semester.
Sincerely, Tanzi.
Dear Tanzi,
I am very grateful for the kind words you had to say about this poem, it means a lot. I also appreciate that you were able to interpret the poem in a way that you see fit. I will take your suggestions about going into more depth for the explanation as I see why that is such an important part of the poem. Also fixing that first line will be done, thank you for bringing it to my attention. I am excited to read the pieces you create in the future.
Kind regards,
Avishi
Dear Avishi,
I personally really enjoy your poem because it resonates with me, as well as lots of other people. Death is a theme that is many people are familiar with. I connected with your writing on a deep level and felt as if I was living in the story your poem tells. My favourite lines were, “Will they enter Heaven? Hell? ” and “All we can do is hope to encounter them once again.” Overall, I felt that your poem was very strong and I enjoyed your writing. I can’t wait to read your pieces in the future!
Sincerely,
Kamran
Dear Kamran,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work! I truly agree when you say that death is a topic that many are familiar with but is seen as a taboo topic, thus my desire to write this poem. I appreciate all your kind words and also look forward to reading your pieces.
Kind regards,
Avishi
Dear Avishi,
I thought this poem was very good with flow. It didn’t seem choppy so when I was reading it, I could read without hesitation. As an improvement, I would say go more in depth and connect more with the readers.
From Maya
Dear Maya,
I really appreciate the kind words you had to say about my writing. I agree with your suggestions and will definitely take those into consideration for my future pieces.
Kind regards,
Avishi